i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
