We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
