I just saw a hot homeless man
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
