Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
