I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i dont even know how to be here
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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