I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i barfeds in our rink
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
