At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
