I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize