i just had sex bonerless
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
