Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
