She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
