Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
