I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
