He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize