I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
