I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
