I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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