She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
