im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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