i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
