He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
