that's an acceptable place to lick
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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