Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
