6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize