I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
