There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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