the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
