my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
