he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
