Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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