miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
