Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
