Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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