I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
