apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
