hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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