Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
