I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
