There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
