Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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