Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
