I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize