Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
