don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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