Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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