The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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