and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
