Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
