people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
