There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Your cock deserves a montage
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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