well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize