Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
