Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
