How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
