do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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