highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
