Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
