Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
