Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize