Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize