Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
