Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
