He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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