now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
All the doctor said was why
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
