Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
