I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
