Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
