Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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