addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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