She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
