i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
